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News reaches these Canadian shores of an extraordinary job opportunity: a £68,000 per year post for a homeopath to work just two afternoons a week. I have decided to apply.
ooOoo
To HR, NHS Tayside:
Herewith, my application as candidate for the position of Specialty Doctor of Homeopathy in your hospital.
Statement of Principles
Homeopathy is an important and essential healthcare modality. No other treatment protocol has so effectively medicalized the interpersonal neodialectic discourse that is the essence of healing, or, to put it in the crude vernacular, a ‘cup of tea and a bit of a chat’. I applaud NHS Tayside for standing firm against the totalitarian paradigm of evidence based medicine, and for their willingness to challenge the patriarchal dogma of so-called ‘Clinical Excellence’.
Qualifications
I have received many years of education at the patellae of my matrilineal elder, who elucidated a profound critique of modernism via juxtaposition with her own critical Marxist theory. The class divisions inherent in hospital hierarchies are ripe for desublimation and subversion and, in accordance with cultural libertarianism, I consider myself fully qualified (that is, unqualified, or, to use a postdialetic neologism, de-qualified) to excel in the position of Specialty Doctor of Homeopathy.
I do not hold any medical qualifications, although I do have a doctorate in the biological ‘sciences’, which I hope will not be held against me; admittedly, while the extensive exposure of the self to the microfascistic paradigm of so-called ‘peer review’ and ‘scientific standards’ may be seen as an impediment to the successful practice of a pre-Enlightenment system of knowing such as Homeopathy, I believe it instead gives me the critical perspective to self analyse, deconstruct and reject the status quo of rationalism that is the abundant narrative in hospital care.
I have a lifetime of experience in making, pouring and drinking tea, both alone and with other people, and am able to, at the same time and to a very high standard, listen to other people talk about their medical issues, pets, kids or gender conflict and sexual identity in the patriarchal, neo-liberal relational terrain of marriage to the differently-gendered (or like-gendered) ‘other’.
Finally, I am able to dispense homeopathic remedies while maintaining the standards of pseudo-scientific, Enlightenment-challenging narrative and discourse that is the defining characteristic of this particular treatment modality. This application is submitted as evidence of this ability.
Availability
I do currently reside in a different country, but rest assured, for £68,000 a year and for just two work sessions a week, I would move to Tayside in a regular, non-artery-clogged heartbeat. I hear the deep fried Mars Bars are to die for, as well as standing as a marvellous symbol of the paradigm-challenging nature of this job opportunity; in a country with the worst health outcomes in all of Europe, it takes guts to de-employ 500 proper health care workers and hire a homeopath instead.
Thank you for your consideration,
Doc.
ooOoo
XtalDave Says:
August 17th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
Hmm. competition eh? The game is afoot…
Apathy Sketchpad » Blog Archive » My Contribution to the Dundee Comedy Festival Says:
August 17th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
[...] http://plausibility.net/in-which-i-also-apply-for-a-job-as-a-homeopath/ [...]
Dean Burnett Says:
August 17th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Bring it!
http://tinyurl.com/37h7z24
Kevin Bradshaw Says:
August 17th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
I hope one of us gets the job!
http://kevin-bradshaw.blogspot.com/2010/08/block-chop-26-doctor-in-homeopathy-of.html
I wonder how long it’ll take the comment-bot “Dr” Nancy Malik to auto-generate a response to your post
Doc Says:
August 17th, 2010 at 11:34 pm
There’s some quality applications there, to be sure. Tayside would be nuts not to hire one of us. Or indeed some of us. I’d even consider a job share: one afternoon’s work a week for £34,000 a year would be just about acceptable, if one of you chaps want to take on the rest of the workload.
Tweets that mention In which I also apply for a job as a homeopath | Plausibility.net -- Topsy.com Says:
August 18th, 2010 at 2:54 am
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mike Ward, Therese, Alan Henness, Alan Henness, David Briggs and others. David Briggs said: @zeno001 – another one… http://is.gd/elKZA [...]
Nancy Malik Says:
August 25th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Real is scientific homeopathy. It cures even when Conventional Allopathic Medicine (CAM) fails. Nano doses of evidence-based modern homeopathy medicine brings big results for everyone
Doc Says:
August 25th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Hello Nancy.
Even if you rewrote that so that it made sense in the English language, it still wouldn’t be true. Homeopathy is bunk and the sooner India gives up on the idea, the better.
Also, please stop calling yourself ‘Dr.’ You are a doctor of baloney.
Nancy Malik Says:
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:50 am
TRIPLE-BLIND STUDIES in support of homeopathy medicine
Journal of Psychosomatic Research (Pergamon)
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15016577 (2004) //Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Nancy Malik Says:
August 12th, 2011 at 6:09 am
A. Basic Fundamental Research
B. High Dilution Research
C. Clinical Research
1. Double-blind Randomised Placebo-Controlled Trial
2. Double-Blind Studies
3. Cohort/Observational/Pilot Studies
4. Systematic Reviews & Meta Analysis
D.
5. Homeopathy as a Genetic Medicine
6. Evidence for specific disease conditions
7. Homeopathy superior to conventional
8. Homeopathy cost-effective than conventional
9. Homeopathy equals conventional
10. Homeopathy superior to placebo
11. Homeopathy improving quality of life
E.
12. Evidence-based homeopathy
F.
15. Animal Studies
16. Plant Studies
Papers related to the above domains are available at http://knol.google.com/k/scientific-research-in-homeopathy Which of them you would like to see and discuss?