In which I also apply for a job as a homeopath

News reaches these Canadian shores of an extraordinary job opportunity: a £68,000 per year post for a homeopath to work just two afternoons a week. I have decided to apply.


To HR, NHS Tayside:

Herewith, my application as candidate for the position of Specialty Doctor of Homeopathy in your hospital.

Statement of Principles

Homeopathy is an important and essential healthcare modality. No other treatment protocol has so effectively medicalized the interpersonal neodialectic discourse that is the essence of healing, or, to put it in the crude vernacular, a ‘cup of tea and a bit of a chat’. I applaud NHS Tayside for standing firm against the totalitarian paradigm of evidence based medicine, and for their willingness to challenge the patriarchal dogma of so-called ‘Clinical Excellence’.


I have received many years of education at the patellae of my matrilineal elder, who elucidated a profound critique of modernism via juxtaposition with her own critical Marxist theory. The class divisions inherent in hospital hierarchies are ripe for desublimation and subversion and, in accordance with cultural libertarianism, I consider myself fully qualified (that is, unqualified, or, to use a postdialetic neologism, de-qualified) to excel in the position of Specialty Doctor of Homeopathy.

I do not hold any medical qualifications, although I do have a doctorate in the biological ‘sciences’, which I hope will not be held against me; admittedly, while the extensive exposure of the self to the microfascistic paradigm of so-called ‘peer review’ and ‘scientific standards’ may be seen as an impediment to the successful practice of a pre-Enlightenment system of knowing such as Homeopathy, I believe it instead gives me the critical perspective to self analyse, deconstruct and reject the status quo of rationalism that is the abundant narrative in hospital care.

I have a lifetime of experience in making, pouring and drinking tea, both alone and with other people, and am able to, at the same time and to a very high standard, listen to other people talk about their medical issues, pets, kids or gender conflict and sexual identity in the patriarchal, neo-liberal relational terrain of marriage to the differently-gendered (or like-gendered) ‘other’.

Finally, I am able to dispense homeopathic remedies while maintaining the standards of pseudo-scientific, Enlightenment-challenging narrative and discourse that is the defining characteristic of this particular treatment modality. This application is submitted as evidence of this ability.


I do currently reside in a different country, but rest assured, for £68,000 a year and for just two work sessions a week, I would move to Tayside in a regular, non-artery-clogged heartbeat. I hear the deep fried Mars Bars are to die for, as well as standing as a marvellous symbol of the paradigm-challenging nature of this job opportunity; in a country with the worst health outcomes in all of Europe, it takes guts to de-employ 500 proper health care workers and hire a homeopath instead.

Thank you for your consideration,




12 Responses to “In which I also apply for a job as a homeopath”

  1. XtalDave Says:

    Hmm. competition eh? The game is afoot…

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    […] […]

  3. Dean Burnett Says:

    Bring it!

  4. Kevin Bradshaw Says:

    I hope one of us gets the job!

    I wonder how long it’ll take the comment-bot “Dr” Nancy Malik to auto-generate a response to your post :)

  5. Doc Says:

    There’s some quality applications there, to be sure. Tayside would be nuts not to hire one of us. Or indeed some of us. I’d even consider a job share: one afternoon’s work a week for £34,000 a year would be just about acceptable, if one of you chaps want to take on the rest of the workload.

  6. Tweets that mention In which I also apply for a job as a homeopath | -- Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mike Ward, Therese, Alan Henness, Alan Henness, David Briggs and others. David Briggs said: @zeno001 – another one… […]

  7. Nancy Malik Says:

    Real is scientific homeopathy. It cures even when Conventional Allopathic Medicine (CAM) fails. Nano doses of evidence-based modern homeopathy medicine brings big results for everyone

  8. Doc Says:

    Hello Nancy.

    Even if you rewrote that so that it made sense in the English language, it still wouldn’t be true. Homeopathy is bunk and the sooner India gives up on the idea, the better.

    Also, please stop calling yourself ‘Dr.’ You are a doctor of baloney.

  9. Nancy Malik Says:

    TRIPLE-BLIND STUDIES in support of homeopathy medicine

    Journal of Psychosomatic Research (Pergamon) (2004) //Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

  10. Nancy Malik Says:

    A. Basic Fundamental Research
    B. High Dilution Research
    C. Clinical Research
    1. Double-blind Randomised Placebo-Controlled Trial
    2. Double-Blind Studies
    3. Cohort/Observational/Pilot Studies
    4. Systematic Reviews & Meta Analysis
    5. Homeopathy as a Genetic Medicine
    6. Evidence for specific disease conditions
    7. Homeopathy superior to conventional
    8. Homeopathy cost-effective than conventional
    9. Homeopathy equals conventional
    10. Homeopathy superior to placebo
    11. Homeopathy improving quality of life
    12. Evidence-based homeopathy
    15. Animal Studies
    16. Plant Studies

    Papers related to the above domains are available at Which of them you would like to see and discuss?

  11. Marcus Zulian Teixeira Says:

    Plausibility of the implausible: is it possible that ultra-high dilutions ‘without biological activity’ cause adverse effects?

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