The age of chiropractic miracles is not yet done

The age of chiropractic miracles is not yet done

One might be surprised to learn that chiropractic was once said to cure deafness. The creator of chiropractic, D.D. Palmer, claimed that by manipulation of the spine he restored hearing in a deaf man, Harvey Lillard. From that moment on Palmer decided, ipse dixit, that the spine was the key to all disease. Yet despite Palmer’s miraculous first manipulation, in the hundred or so years since, chiropractors the world over have failed utterly to recreate Palmer’s success with the deaf; a failure so stupendously comprehensive and absolute that  this treatment modality should have long ago fallen into ignominy and disuse.

So much for Palmer’s original chiropractic miracle. Most practitioners of chiropractic today tend to steer well clear of making such claims; surely nobody would believe them anymore, not in this enlightened age.

Chiropractic for the World Foundation is a registered Canadian charity “whose vision is pure and simple: to bring the gift of chiropractic to the world.” They have been working in Ghana and are delighted to report that the age of chiropractic miracles is not yet done:

Person regained eyesight. Several threw away their canes. Another canceled his appointment with his doctor. Talk about a good day at the office! 3 out of 3 of our helpers want to become chiropractors to take care of their own people here. We are spreading so much light I’m surprised the sun went down tonight!

I’ll admit that when I first read that I was taken aback. How could a Canadian-educated professional individual so sincerely believe that Palmer’s patented back rub for all ailments actually cured blindness? Even Palmer never tried to sell manure of that odour to the public, although his claiming to cure deafness was certainly a stretch. Yet giddy-in-Ghana reports that the blind can see and the lame can walk. I hope those souls didn’t throw their canes too far out of reach. Nonetheless, if a person really did have their sight restored after a chiropractic manipulation, I’d hope – as indeed would the chiropractic profession – that the clinician involved would at least exert themselves to writing it up as a case study. That would show us skeptics what for, what?

Maybe they mean well, and believe that their help wouldn’t go amiss. Ghana ranks 188th in the world for life expectancy at birth. It has an HIV rate of 1.9%. The risk of major infectious diseases is very high: watch out for diarrhea, hepatatis-A, typhoid, malaria, schistosomiasis, meningococcal meningitis and rabies. These disease risks are manageable with the use of vaccines, public health interventions, and good patient care, and Ghana could certainly benefit from better health resources. It is to that end, one supposes, that, the visiting chiropractors have been offering their help:

We were invited to meet several key government officials, including two medical doctors (Regional Health Directors), and the Minister of Accra, Ghana’s largest city and capital. During all of our communications, whether to patients or to government officials, one thing was consistent – we kept the message of chiropractic very pure and simple! Our message was very well received – people in Ghana are so ready for what we have to offer! They know innately that the body heals itself… that’s why chiropractic make so much sense to them.

It might be helpful to point out at this juncture that an evidence base for the chiropractic treatment of HIV, diarrhea, hepatatis A, typhoid, malaria, schistosomiasis, meningococcal meningitis and rabies does not exist. But this is not about evidence. This is about evangelising the original message of chiropractic, evidence be damned, a century of abject failure of the whole idea of chiropractic be damned. It’s about the idea of innate intelligence of the body that flows through the spine, that can be freed with chiropractic manipulation, that can make the deaf hear, the blind see and the lame walk. Chiropractic rejected the germ theory of medicine from the outset. Instead, the straight chiropractic paradigm allows only that diseases arise from subluxations in the spine, malaria parasite notwithstanding. For heaven’s sake, the existence of the malaria parasite itself should be  evidence enough to abandon chiropractic, and sufficient cause to turn back its adherents at the Ghanaian border.

Yet they say their message was very well received. I’d like to assume the Ghanaians were just being polite, but they really shouldn’t have to listen to this nonsense in the first place. They have enough to do with actually treating malaria without having alt-medicine peddlers try to persuade them how not to treat it. It isn’t the first time. We have seen variants on this story before: Matthias Rath took his vitamin pills to South Africa and convinced the government they had no need for expensive anti-retrovirals to treat HIV. As the head of Médecins Sans Frontières said, “This guy is killing people by luring them with unrecognised treatment without any scientific evidence.” Right now in Ghana, homeopaths have set up a malaria prophylaxis clinic “to help combat the effects of malaria through homeopathic care.” I have nothing but sympathy for their patients. There’s something malodorously colonial about these people, chiropractors, homeopaths and pill peddlers alike, their actions as superficially well-meaning yet utterly pointless as flying four thousand miles just to give a starving child a Bible.

Still, the miracles continue. The chiropractors report that they found evidence of “’the adjustment exchange rate’, that one adjustment in Ghana is worth approximately 10 in Canada or USA.” It’s because the Ghanaians live simpler lives, we are told; “ their bodies are not as polluted, mentally, physically and chemically. Their diets are more natural.” Yes, it’s amazing these people die of anything at all.

I can’t be entirely negative. The Foundation raised enough money from chiropractors and their patients in Canada to establish a children’s school in a village in Ghana, which is a worthy accomplishment. I can’t agree that the world needs more chiropractic, but more access to education is always welcome. I would also welcome it if the homeopaths, chiropractors, and alt-med peddlers would keep their useless nostrums at home where they belong, marginalised in modern medicine and as the placebo of choice for the wealthy worried well.

An anecdote to sum up everything that I hate about the NHS

An anecdote to sum up everything that I hate about the NHS

About ten years ago, like many other young UK graduates of MSc programs, I was working temp jobs for a short while. One contract had me working for a primary care trust, although thankfully it only lasted for about three days. The money wasn’t great and the work was dull, consisting of filing files, photocopying files and shredding files.

I found myself in the basement photocopy suite one afternoon, when, skirts swishing with officialdom, a woman barreled down the stairs, headed straight toward me and proclaimed: “Out of the way! I have to performance manage three hospitals this afternoon!”

There’s not a lot you can say to that. Of course I stood aside. Bureaucracy was about to happen, and I was the obstacle in its path.

Just think of it. Three hospitals! Only one afternoon! Performance-managed, with a photocopier, for some reason, and I’ll bet she was paid more than three nurses to do the job. Who were then fired for not performing with adequate cost-effectiveness, as determined in just one third of an afternoon by a performance-manager, and replaced with a homeopath.

I made that last part up, but you have to wonder if it is people like this behind these kinds of decisions; like the decision of NHS Tayside to sack 500 staff, but hire a £68,000-a-year homeopath instead. Maybe someone in an office building, performance managing the hell out of NHS Tayside, decided this was a cost-effective, performance-enhancing strategy for optimising the effective delivery of strategic and operational goals.

Which I’m sure is nice, but it won’t help at all with delivering actual health care.

In which I also apply for a job as a homeopath

In which I also apply for a job as a homeopath

News reaches these Canadian shores of an extraordinary job opportunity: a £68,000 per year post for a homeopath to work just two afternoons a week. I have decided to apply.

ooOoo

To HR, NHS Tayside:

Herewith, my application as candidate for the position of Specialty Doctor of Homeopathy in your hospital.

Statement of Principles

Homeopathy is an important and essential healthcare modality. No other treatment protocol has so effectively medicalized the interpersonal neodialectic discourse that is the essence of healing, or, to put it in the crude vernacular, a ‘cup of tea and a bit of a chat’. I applaud NHS Tayside for standing firm against the totalitarian paradigm of evidence based medicine, and for their willingness to challenge the patriarchal dogma of so-called ‘Clinical Excellence’.

Qualifications

I have received many years of education at the patellae of my matrilineal elder, who elucidated a profound critique of modernism via juxtaposition with her own critical Marxist theory. The class divisions inherent in hospital hierarchies are ripe for desublimation and subversion and, in accordance with cultural libertarianism, I consider myself fully qualified (that is, unqualified, or, to use a postdialetic neologism, de-qualified) to excel in the position of Specialty Doctor of Homeopathy.

I do not hold any medical qualifications, although I do have a doctorate in the biological ‘sciences’, which I hope will not be held against me; admittedly, while the extensive exposure of the self to the microfascistic paradigm of so-called ‘peer review’ and ‘scientific standards’ may be seen as an impediment to the successful practice of a pre-Enlightenment system of knowing such as Homeopathy, I believe it instead gives me the critical perspective to self analyse, deconstruct and reject the status quo of rationalism that is the abundant narrative in hospital care.

I have a lifetime of experience in making, pouring and drinking tea, both alone and with other people, and am able to, at the same time and to a very high standard, listen to other people talk about their medical issues, pets, kids or gender conflict and sexual identity in the patriarchal, neo-liberal relational terrain of marriage to the differently-gendered (or like-gendered) ‘other’.

Finally, I am able to dispense homeopathic remedies while maintaining the standards of pseudo-scientific, Enlightenment-challenging narrative and discourse that is the defining characteristic of this particular treatment modality. This application is submitted as evidence of this ability.

Availability

I do currently reside in a different country, but rest assured, for £68,000 a year and for just two work sessions a week, I would move to Tayside in a regular, non-artery-clogged heartbeat. I hear the deep fried Mars Bars are to die for, as well as standing as a marvellous symbol of the paradigm-challenging nature of this job opportunity; in a country with the worst health outcomes in all of Europe, it takes guts to de-employ 500 proper health care workers and hire a homeopath instead.

Thank you for your consideration,

Doc.

ooOoo

Homeopathy Awareness Week 2009: Zicam!

Homeopathy Awareness Week 2009: Zicam!

Its homeopathic awareness week!

Were you aware that homeopathic nasal cold remedies can burn out your sense of smell? The FDA wants you to know about it.

Zicam make popular homeopathic products such as nasal sprays. Two of their products, Zicam cold nasal gel and and Zicam cold nasal swabs, were recalled by the FDA this week after they were found to destroy people’s sense of smell.

There is more to homeopathy than the snake oil gambit of diluting a compound so much that not a trace of the original remains. The philosophy of homeopathy is, rather,  The Law of Similars, or ‘like cures like’. If a chemical causes a certain set of symptoms, then treating a disease that produces those symptoms with said chemical will effect a cure.

Hence Zicam, et hinc illae lacrimae.  The homeopathic (active) ingredient in Zicam is Zincum Gluconicum, or zinc gluconate, which was approved by the Homeopathic Pharmacopeia Convention in 1997. It was ‘proven’ to produce cold like symptoms in healthy individuals, and added to the The Homœopathic Pharmacopœia of the United States (HPUS) that year. HPUS dictates the maximum strength that a compound can be for over the counter use, although based on what criteria I know not. For Zinc Gluconicum it is a 1x dilution, that is, one part compound to nine parts water. Zicam actually used a higher dilution, 2x, where the previous dilution is taken and diluted a second time. The final dilution is 1:100. Bear in mind that Avogadro’s limit is not reached until around 24x dilution, and many homeopathic over the counter preparations are diluted beyond that, and you can see Zicam’s mistake: their homeopathic cold remedies actually contained ingredients.

Not only that, the effect of using actual ingredients in Zicam neatly disproves the concept of the Law of Similars and the essential philosophy of homeopathy. Sticking harsh chemicals up your nose, it turns out, has potentially life threatening consequences. It doesn’t cure congestion or sinus pain; it causes sinus pain and the loss of smell.

Why did Zicam do it? Probably because, by labelling an over the counter treatment as homeopathic, they avoided the regulation and safety testing that would be demanded for proper drugs.

Remember, homeopaths, Avogadro’s limit is your friend. Make sure that your treatments contain nothing at all and you will avoid these unpleasant lawsuits.

The FDA can’t regulate a placebo.